Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A while back, I posted a quote from a magazine about using the things we are jealous of to determine our goals. The point was that we do not need to feel jealousy - we just need to pay attention to those pangs so that we realize what it is we really want and GO FOR IT! Sitting around feeling jealous is a waste of time when almost anything is within our reach with the right amount of effort.
Since that posting I've paid attention to those feelings. A good thing about getting older and passing through more trials, for me anyway, is that I seldom feel jealousy. I can see that there are "back stories" behind almost all success that we see and there are struggles each person has that I wouldn't trade for my own.
But I have paid attention and I noticed the thing I am the most jealous of is other women's careers. Moms, to be exact. Moms who have kids my age as well as balancing an interesting and challenging career. I am jealous that they felt entitled to make it happen. I am jealous that their family life sacrificed the time it took for their education (talking about my doctor in this instance). And I'm jealous that they seem happy and confident, because I feel like I'd feel terribly guilty all day if I did work full-time.
The women I am most jealous of are doctors. I've had the desire to do that for years, but always felt it would be incompatible with family life. I had reconciled that until the last few years when I've known good moms that are about my age, with kids the ages of my older ones....that also happen to be doctors. Somehow they made that happen, and it makes me question the boundaries I place on myself.
I don't necessarily think that because I feel that jealousy I am "called" to become a doctor, but I wonder what to do about that feeling or what it means in my life. I guess maybe it is the pang of realizing that I *did* make some sacrifices to be a stay-at-home mom, and that is okay. I definitely felt called to do that at the time I left my career. I don't regret it for a second. I'm glad I could cuddle and nurse those babies and be there when they woke up from their nap in that cuddly, warm part of the day. I'm thankful I got to teach the older ones to read and watch them all as they began crawling, talking, and taking those wobbly first steps.
So, I guess what I'm saying is I think I was wrong. Not every feeling of jealousy means you need to take that path and start living that way. It's just an interesting thought, and I think it is always good to explore the "why's" of our feelings, even and especially the negative ones.
What do you feel jealous of? How does it affect your goals and choices?
at May 23, 2012