Thursday, January 29, 2015

Overcoming a Fear of Writing

After reading a book about "life quests" this week I came up with a couple I'd like to try.  One of them is to write 100 essays.  I don't have a timeline really, but I'd like to stick a number on it.  My overall hope is to better my writing skills and have an enjoyable mental outlet--which I find writing to be.

Now why would I need a set number or even to call it a quest?  Fear, baby.  I have a fear of sinking myself into creative heart-pulling tasks.  I don't want to go all in.  For two reasons:  1.  10 years of baby care PTSD.  It was such a hard adjustment for me to no longer be able to call the shots on what I did and how long I did it in my early years of motherhood.  I was used to my adult working world where I had the hours to fill with the tasks I deemed necessary to my department and business.  Adjusting to being a very hand-on attachment mom, which I wanted to be, was a study in adaptation for sure.  I learned to drop everything for a hungry baby needing nursed, and I did it with joy!  Eventually.

But now, with my youngest four, and honestly enough *time* to write why do I fear a creative pursuit?  Well, like I said with my first point I don't think my brain has adapted back to not having to drop everything at a moment's notice.  And maybe it shouldn't.  I do still get those sick calls from the school.

But #2 fear is giving my heart.  Writing is very revealing.  It is open and helps me see myself in new way. Being vulnerable, while I know is rewarding, is fear-inducing for me for this reason.  I am sitting here writing this post--making myself write this post, because I want to conquer that fear.  I am a writer, I can declare myself to be and I am going to have the courage to give it a shot.

I have 60 essay ideas so far, and need about as many more so please!  If you have any writing subject ideas share them with me!  Obviously I need the practice :)!

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