Thursday, January 29, 2015
Overcoming a Fear of Writing
After reading a book about "life quests" this week I came up with a couple I'd like to try. One of them is to write 100 essays. I don't have a timeline really, but I'd like to stick a number on it. My overall hope is to better my writing skills and have an enjoyable mental outlet--which I find writing to be.
Now why would I need a set number or even to call it a quest? Fear, baby. I have a fear of sinking myself into creative heart-pulling tasks. I don't want to go all in. For two reasons: 1. 10 years of baby care PTSD. It was such a hard adjustment for me to no longer be able to call the shots on what I did and how long I did it in my early years of motherhood. I was used to my adult working world where I had the hours to fill with the tasks I deemed necessary to my department and business. Adjusting to being a very hand-on attachment mom, which I wanted to be, was a study in adaptation for sure. I learned to drop everything for a hungry baby needing nursed, and I did it with joy! Eventually.
But now, with my youngest four, and honestly enough *time* to write why do I fear a creative pursuit? Well, like I said with my first point I don't think my brain has adapted back to not having to drop everything at a moment's notice. And maybe it shouldn't. I do still get those sick calls from the school.
But #2 fear is giving my heart. Writing is very revealing. It is open and helps me see myself in new way. Being vulnerable, while I know is rewarding, is fear-inducing for me for this reason. I am sitting here writing this post--making myself write this post, because I want to conquer that fear. I am a writer, I can declare myself to be and I am going to have the courage to give it a shot.
I have 60 essay ideas so far, and need about as many more so please! If you have any writing subject ideas share them with me! Obviously I need the practice :)!