Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Planned Ignoring

Everyone needs attention...everyone thrives on knowing the people around them love them.

But not every thing needs attention.  And some things can be ignored.  Even good things.

I have an amazing Sunday School teacher where I go to church that inspires me every time I hear his lessons.  He has some kind of people motivating/training skills that he uses for his work that he also shares with us.  One thing that stood out to me like an "aha moment" was about useful, planned ignoring.

Is she gonna mow my lawn or babysit my kids if I ask?  She's at that age, right?

We simply don't have the need to do, see, participate or even care about every single thing in this world.  And interestingly those who narrow their focus are more likely to achieve in whatever one or few things they focus on.  Have you heard about 10,000 hours?  It's kind of a trending topic that I first learned about reading this book:  Outliers: The Story of Success.

Do I expect him to call me and bring me cookies?

Anyway, I think I had that "aha moment" because I could really improve in this area.  I have this need to be "nice" and please people and try to make them like me that includes a lot of time focusing on them, when the truth is it probably isn't helping them or me.  Or even if it is there is still a greater purpose to my life.  I guess that's the beauty of aging (ripe ol' 34!) hee hee.  I'm starting to realize more and more that my time is limited and I want to get the most bang for my buck, time-wise.

For me the hard and almost painful process is deciding what are my core competencies:  either the things I am the best at, or the things I care the most about doing, or hopefully they are kind of both the same thing.  What I care most about is my family (cliche, I know ;).  By that I mean, my marriage being good, and my kids growing up the healthiest and best way possible.  I myself, am a big part of that family and how it functions, so meeting my own physical/mental/spiritual needs is part of that too.

What does this mean?  While I focus on my "passions" like caring for my family and remodeling my home, what I am allowed  to do and will even encourage myself to do is ignore many other good things.  I could make a list and I'll tell you it would be a whole lot longer than the two passions I've listed here.  Do you do this?  Is this hard for you?


  1. I clicked here from Facebook and LOVE this!! I'm going through a similar thing right now - I feel like maybe when kids were younger? or I wasn't as 'wise' ;), I tried so hard to help/do/keep up with just too much - but as kids are getting older and life is going SO fast, I feel like time really is limited. Anyway, I really liked your thoughts as this has been something I've been thinking so much about recently. Good luck as you recategorize and get things shifted/sorted through.

    1. Thanks for your comment. Nice to know someone else feels the same way! :)

  2. For sure I do this. Had to, for more than 10 years now.
    I have arthroses in knees, hips and hands and a paralyzing fibromyalgia. I don't have the energy to think or care about everything anymore.... I just give energy to things or people who are dear to me. For me that's mostly quilting and keeping my house clean, love my hubby and four cats and occasionlly spend time with friend or family. The upcoming weekend I will join friends for a weekend offroading, but will have to pay with a week (or more) pain, sleeplessness and be drained of any energy what so ever... But once a year I will do this,because I like it to much to let go completely. And, once every two years, we make a big trip. OUr third time of vacation in the USA in in 3,5 weeks, taking it all in for four weeks.... I will be drained for the whole winter, but that's oke, I love our vacation and making memories for the rest of our lives!! Those vacations keep me going actually. As long as I can cope, we will continue doing this. Even if it is in a wheelchair......
    Life is to short to be occupied by things that only take energy and give nothing back. You don't have to be nice or be liked by everyone. They don't care. Why should you?
    Hope you'll see that your kids, your hubby and especially YOU are most important.

  3. I love this perspective! I have a few years on you and I'm starting to think more and more about how I want to spend my time!


Thanks for your comments~!