Tuesday, August 25, 2020

The daily write

 I write daily in my morning pages.  I write mine in junk journals I've put together with old books, old pictures, and printed facebook statuses from the last decade.

Writing morning pages is supposed to be without judgement.  But I still have it, it just must be dismissed.  I hear, "that's not important," as I write the same routine morning items that I wrote the day before.  But the point isn't what is written, its the process.  It's for me, so I do it.

I'm getting over 2 months of stomach illness.  Well, I'm not sure its actually gone a  Sway but all the tests haven't yielded answers, and the presciptions I can afford, haven't yielded relief.  But much of the day, things are better.  So I'll say getting over.

I have hoarded fabric.  Every extra dime to my name goes into a fabric order and now I have 3 shelves full.  So I guess I hold off on future orders.  I don't want to rush myself.  I want to savor all the learning that can be done with those bolts.

Friday, January 31, 2020


*This post is in exchange for free product*

So, I tried Photowall!  Have you heard of it?  I love the idea of wallpaper and murals, but I think my husband and I still have wallpaper removal stress issues, so we opted to go for a poster instead.  We chose a photo from their site of the Tetons in fall.

The photo is beautiful.  The poster we got was the largest size.  The paper was really thin and lightweight, which made the shipping super light, but when it came time to add the wood framing, it wrinkled and ripped :(.   So that was frustrating, it might have been nicer if that frame already came on it, rather than me frustratedly using a little screwdriver with paper that wouldn't go where I wanted it to.

Regardless, I eventually got it onto my wall and now the Tetons, where we love to camp, is a part of our basement family room :).

Have you ever ordered a huge poster?  I'd love to hear your tips.

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

White Kitchens

From the moment I got the Pinterest invite (remember those?) the thing I fell in love with was white kitchens.

And the timing was fabulous.  We were starting a house build and we spent months hashing out the white/white/white details we were going to instill into our kitchen.

And then heartbreak.

And that building plan ended, so we transitioned into doing a big remodel and flip instead.  But here, about 8 years later, I'm still feeling that white kitchen vibe filling me up with joy.  So I'm going to post a bunch here to inspire you, too.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Kate and her Boot

I did the asking sub-conscious experiment again today and couldn't remember anything in the shower.

But a memory came to me of earlier in the night when I had a dream with Kate Middleton.  Yes, her and I were casually palling around the castle.  She was dressed smartly with a wool trench and some high heeled booties.

But not just any--ankle height, high heeled, booted yellow ones.  It could be because I had looked at these a few days ago:

Insert pic that I now cannot find?  I'm wondering if the booties in my dream are actually my own design.  They were a cool mix of 1800's fashion and emerging trend.

Picture this, but bright yellow:

Dear Wal-mart Fabric Buyers

I made a stop to my local store today for my regular check of the clearance scrap bin.  Didn't find anything special, so I left the store empty handed.  I came home, thinking of my position here as an avid designer and creator of clothes, in a super small town.

Wal-mart is everything here, as you can imagine.  But I order my fabric online.  Sight unseen, hoping for the best, paying more than I should...
It's all about the quality and thickness of the fabric as well as emerging trends.

And I think you could do better.  Right now in the sewing influencer world,  independent designed patterns are all the rage.  Each sewist will make up the pattern and show their version to the world on Instagram--easily find-able by the style's hashtag.

I often pick patterns now based on how they look on the real sewist, where I can see it right after she made it.  Thanks to those influencers I also discovered the best fabrics for wearability and style and drape.  This  mix of comfort and quality just can't be duplicated in the discount clothing world, and a discount chain like yourself could be the MARKET LEADER in blessing sewists with this resource at a slightly lower cost than ordering it online.

I don't know your strategy for filling your fabric shelves at small town stores like mine, but every sewist knows your fabrics are looser woven, and basically just get used in a pinch.  Once someone gets serious about sewing (and don't live in a town with a fabric chain) they move on to ordering it online.

 Sure, online ordering is a wave of the future.  But when choosing a commodity that is selected for its feel and stretch, a lot of guessing and gambling is going on that wouldn't need to if the local Wal-mart was a real competitor for the fabrics that are currently on trend.

Double brushed poly, ITY drapey thin knit, thick ponte knits, Hacci sweater knit--these are the hot fabric trends for clothing in this season.  Linen blends, cotton lawn, and rayon challis in the summer are in high demand as well.  I assume you've avoided stocking these because they are such a higher price point than the printed cotton filling your shelves now.  However.

I have this stack of my latest fabric order from an online warehouse that got the solid double brushed polys down to 4.99 a yard.  Even less, significantly less up at the 5-10 yard order point.  Given that your low quality quilting cottons are near that price point, it doesn't make any sense to avoid these garment fabric trends.

I think the key to keeping your pricing margin where you want it would be to choose a small number of prints of each of the trending fabrics.  If you get a design heavy sewist or sewing social media influencer on board to choose the upcoming trending fabrics you don't need a lot of variety.

Secondly when these are stocked, do the current thing and get a couple of Instagram darlings to sew up their favorite indie pattern or self-designed pieces in your fabric to announce to the world the new, very real resource that is now in their hometown or neighborhood.  They are already buying their groceries there, why not stock their stash as well?

I would love to consult more about this, including pointing your social media team to the influencers most likely to turn the tide on your reputation as a more quality supplier--for still a LOWER COST.

Thanks, Bobi

Monday, January 6, 2020

If I Am Loved

Last night I asked my subconscious what I needed to know, and this morning when I woke up I knew I had been dreaming but I couldn't remember any of it.

I had been awakened at 4 ish AM when my daughter came in my room telling me she hadn't ever fallen asleep because her stomach was in so much pain.  It was bloated and hard, how it used to be before we learned about her celiac disease.  She had a rough, rough night, but did go to sleep around that time.

I fell back to sleep and when I awoke at 7, I couldn't remember dreams.

So in the shower, a little frustrated, I just asked, "Subconscious, what should I know?"

The answer was, "That you are loved.  You are loved."

And so I asked myself what does that mean for my day, or what I should as a result?  I pictured myself in a warm light cocoon being swaddled in a blanket.  I guess that's love to me.  But it also made me think of the ways I am trying to give too hard or too much.  So I sent a couple messages to back out of stuff.  And I pictured how I would care for myself today.

Interestingly that ends up being getting things for my kids, or helping a wheelchair bound lady who was in the street trying to get her dog from running away.  It's weird how being softer to myself ends up with less drudgery service and more inspired giving.

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Sexuality and Sub-conscious

I repeated yesterday's exercise and asked my subconscious to show me what I needed to know as I was falling asleep.  When I awoke this morning to an alarm (what? we now have 9am church) I thought, okay, what was I just thinking?  So that I could remember the dream I was actually having when waking up stopped it.

I was at an orthodontist's office with my kids.  Well, I went with my kids.  And I came in the door and realized they were still outside giving someone something on their way in.  I knew they were okay, and I knew they were going to be joining me soon.

There was a new check-in system by computer.  There was a huge line, because it was a new system that people had to learn.  As I was standing in line I noticed they were talking to the people in line to check in with a live person, that they had to have a document-able disability or be really old to not have to check in by computer in the long, long line.

As I stood there in the line, one of the orthodontists came up to me and looked straight at my waist and hips before trying to flirt with me.  He asked about the treat plate the kids had brought that they wanted the receptionists to distribute.  They were valentine themed because that was the next holiday so he asked if I meant one of the lovey phrases on a heart printed on the plate just for him.

I did my usual very controlled, very lifetime rehearsed dance around it trying to be a good patient, and respectful so I didn't hurt my chances at good dental care for my kids.  I didn't outright reject him, but I was also dancing around what my husband would think if I acted too nice.  It's so much pressure when you speak it or write it down but it felt like what I was used to in every day life as a woman.

In the shower as I went through what my dream was when I awoke so that I could remember it, I immediately thought about my weight and how resistant it is to releasing any of it.  I have been much lower weights in the past, but even if I  barely eat my body doesn't budge.  I was hit with a very deep subconscious learning about how my body is protecting me.  My hips, my waist, the parts that look "fat" now are resistant to being  a healthy weight because for a woman thinner middles mean an up in the intensity of sexual aggression toward us.

No, I haven't had a man try to assault me since I've been married but anytime I've been a healthy weight (including visibly pregnant) I have had to endure in my very rehearsed and fearful and measured way cat calls from cars, "God damn!" as I walked into a bakery, or even those so bold as to propose relationships.  I hide this from my subconscious probably because it is painful when its up at the surface.  It's scary to feel a life of being the prey within your own social groups.  The people who you are supposed to gather with also want to attack you if the circumstances are right.

I think emotionally I just want to be a matronly mom.  I always wanted to be a mom.  I want to nurture my kids, I want to focus on my art of sewing and designing and I want to be beautiful.  I want to soak up the beauty of life and see beautiful places, but the fear that keeps me homebound is of the predators milling about in my everyday life.  My body and my mind keep me safe and keep me small because they don't feel I'm safe out and about in the world.

To be fair, they are right.

But if I ever want to live a bolder existence, like traveling or working closely with others in a profession I have to find a new way to be safe.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

I dream about houses and JOB

I have GREAT (by that I mean interesting) dreams when I am in ketosis.  I had all the breads on new years eve and then kind of swung the other way with long fasts and mostly protein afterward.  As a result my pee strips have been dark the last couple of days.  Unlike other people it doesn't really make me feel fantastic, but once I fall asleep I think deep brainwork happens.

So last night, at the prompting of a podcast I heard yesterday, I told my subconsios to show me what I needed to learn.  Then when I awoke around 8 I asked myself, "What were you just thinking?"  so I could remember the dream.  I know there were two, but I'll go through what I remember.

Houses, there were a lot of houses in this dream town I have dreamed of before.  I mean there were a lot of houses we had actually lived in before and flipped.  For some reason in last night's dream, I had to go to each of them for some church responsibility or something.  When I went to each one my dream brain traveled through it in my mind as I pulled up to it.  I thought through the layouts and decor.  When I was in the final one I actually realized I had remodeled it so my eye zoomed in to a close up of a wall and noticed they had painted it a different color and put a wallpaper boarder at chair rail height. 

It made me happy that they had made the house their own home. 

When I was in the final house, the mom happened to be sick or recovering from surgery so I played with her kids and helped them take their dishes to the sink when they had finished the breakfast she had given them.  What I remembered about this house was it had 3 or 4 kitchens when we lived there.  I have dreamed this remodel house before, but when I dreamed it last we had just moved in and were noticing how it was weird there were so many dishwashers in so many different parts of the house.

So this time as I was helping her kids take in the dishes I noticed a clean new sink, and by that realized we had remodeled it before they moved in.  I felt a thrill that we had made it a better family home.

When I asked myself this morning what that was trying to teach me I felt warmly that I had made a difference.  Our remodels have been a good job for me and I could add it to my resume.  I think my consious mind blocks out things that are actually accomplishments when looking toward the future and what I need to do better.

Thank you subconcious, and dreamland for teaching me that.  I think I will re-do my resume sharing those kind of contributions I have made in the years I don't have a JOB listed and a supervisor to call.

Friday, January 3, 2020

Chocolate Mug Cake (RECIPE)

2 T almond flour
1 T cocoa
1 T monkfruit classic sweetener (like granulated sugar)
1/2 t baking powder
1 T mayo
1 egg yolk
1 T water
3 or 4 dark chocolate chips

Mix together with a fork and microwave one minute.  I like to then break it up a little and add cream over the top.