Friday, June 21, 2019

Blessed or Lucky

Today as I scrubbed the stove with my soapy dishwater and let the bubbly smells of citrus drift up, my heart jumped a little thinking about the layout of my stove, with gas hobs and a big grill surface, not little burner covers to clean individually.

I thought about how that was my dream stove, and here I was in my dream kitchen and realizing so many of the struggles of my life had been lifted and resolved in this beautiful perfect piece of real estate in a place  had always wanted to live.

Blessed, right?  Not so quick am I prone to making that statement because of all it can imply.  Like I did something to earn what I wanted.  Or that god loves and helps me more than his other children in poverty stricken countries.

So I hate to say it.  But I realized today why I still feel it.

Because God loves and cares for me as an individual in ways that make me uniquely happy.  A loving Source would know that I prefer to be in town near all the places I need to run to the kids activities....that less time/money in the car is what I consider blessed.  That loving parent would know that I get panicky in large houses and they aren't healthy for me, so this is compact and juuuuuust enough space for the six of us.

It is a new build that was done 6 months before we even knew about it.  It had great upgrades but I didn't have to make any of the decisions, or have any of the "how are we designing this kitchen" fights that were part of previous home plans :).  It was how it was, but very much how I would have done it.  It sat on the market awhile so we certainly didn't overpay, though.

There is lawn maintenance in the HOA which wouldn't have been our choice as DIYers but once I had my allergy testing, I was able to see how protective that was for my health.  So we are in a townhouse community without our own yard or land with our home.  We share rules and walls with neighbors in a very lowly populated state.  This geographical place is NOT for everyone as I am reminded frequently :).  But it is so for me.

So I feel blessed.  And I hope you do too.  When you are counting your blessings do you laugh a little at what is so great for you but most people don't like?  Those might be the biggest blessings of all because YOU, as an individual can feel cared for.

Have a blessed day.

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

sewing and designing (BUY MY STUFF)

I've thankfully been gifted the tools this year to really let my creativity with fabric go wild.

And by go wild I  mean making high quality comfortable clothing, because I am in my forties and sensible.

I'm looking for customers and F.E.E.D.B.A.C.K.  Buy my stuff and leave me reviews, will ya?  Thank you thank you (smooch).

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Farmhouse Signs around the Web

I was talking about cute decorative signs the other day, as I read that too many words on the walls can feel like you are being shouted at.  However, as these posts show, it can be tastefully done, promoting a relaxing vibe instead of a scolding one ;).  

Do you have signs on your walls?  I'd love to hear your take and what you like your home to say.

Sunday, February 10, 2019

gluten free Ranch Chicken nuggets (RECIPE)

4 chicken breasts
2 C buckwheat flour or oat flour (I made mine in my vitamix)
4 T ranch dressing mix powder
4 egg whites

Cut the chicken into tiny nugget size pieces.  Dry, and then dip into egg white, and then into flour mixed with ranch powder.  Fry in hot oil for 1-2 minutes per side.  If your chicken pieces are bigger increase cooking time.

These are good dipped in straight sour cream or ranch dressing.

Gluten free Chicken Alfredo (RECIPE)

Boil package of Tinyada gluten free pasta

Saute 4 chicken breasts in coconut or olive oil with 2 t parsley, 1 t black pepper, 2 t salt.

As soon as pasta is done and drained, add 1/2 t olive oil to the cooked pasta.

Add pasta to chicken.

Make sauce in a medium saucepan:

1 8oz block cream cheese
1 cube butter

Let those melt down together on medium heat.  When about halfway melted add 1/2 C milk, and then whisk until there is no lumps.  After its melted, add 1/2 C grated parmesan (in the can) and 1/4 C shredded mozzarella.  As soon as this cheese is melted in add 1 t garlic powder and 1 t black pepper.  Serve over pasta and chicken.

Monday, January 28, 2019

Lemon Curd (RECIPE)

Lemon Curd

1 C sugar
2 T cornstarch
6 T lemon juice
6 T water
6 egg yolks
1/2 C butter

Put sugar and cornstarch in saucepan.  Stir in lemon juice and water.  Stir half of mixture in to egg yolks.  Put that back into saucepan and bring to a boil and then cook for 2 minutes.  Remove from heat and add butter.

Friday, December 28, 2018

Gluten Free Pancakes

There are plenty of mixes out there, and these can be made with GF flour mix...but in our family I prefer feeding whole grains to my kids as often as possible, for the fiber and the way it slows down blood sugar surges.  Especially first thing in the morning and with the accompaniment of syrup, I find it helpful!

Gluten Free Pancakes

3/4 C oat flour

1/2 C buckwheat flour

2 t baking powder

1 t salt

1 T sugar

1 egg

2 T canola oil

1 C milk

(Makes the amount seen in the picture, plus a couple more than that)

Friday, November 16, 2018

Hot Cocoa (big batch)

Note:  The kids told me they prefer our older recipe.  Click HERE if you'd like that one.

11 C dry milk
2 lb can of Nestle Nesquik
11 oz powdered coffee creamer
1 C powdered sugar
1/4 C baking cocoa
Small box instant chocolate pudding

Store in an airtight container.

Mix 1/3 C mix with hot water and enjoy.<3 p="">

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Fudgy Brownies RECIPE (oat flour)

Fudgy Brownies

1/2 C butter (1 cube)
1/3 C cocoa
1/3 C sugar
1 egg
pinch of salt
1/2 t vanilla
1/2 t baking powder
1/3 C oat flour (I make by putting old fashioned oats in the blender for a few minutes)

Melt butter and mix the rest together.  Bake in a greased, small pan.  Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

Saturday, November 3, 2018


Dear Kids-

Here's why I keep a journal.

Because I found the name of my bishop/punisher that set my PTSD in motion, and knowing his name helped me to target my pain rather than spread it around the people I love in hopes of emotional protection.

I wrote a poem about my healing--the healing that came from your father's basic every day love.  Then when there was a call for poems for a book I could type and submit it and feel that creative satisfaction as I sent my heart out into the world.

Because I was reminded to by a PPD counselor after having my third baby.  I had never done it for healing, only out of duty.  When I turned to it in pain it was like the steady non-judgemental friend that I needed.

Because I could list my dreams, so that sitting in meditation my heart and mind could weigh the truth and feeling of those dreams to plan my next step (or letting go).

Because I read the words, the painfully personal words of pioneer women as they followed their man or their church into the unknown and I like to know what they felt, feared, and turned to for comfort.  Those ladies are like me, and they are like you when you navigate your adult life.  They are my dearest friends.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Bobi's White Bread recipe

My youngest son tonight said he can't imagine living his life without this bread, so I guess it's my duty to spread the word :).  Or at least save the recipe here for myself.

White Bread

2 1/2 C white flour
1/3 C vital wheat gluten
4 t yeast
2 1/2 C hot water

Mix these in a mixer until combined and then let rise for 10 minutes in the mixing bowl.  I cover it with a cloth.  This is the "sponge."

Then add to this:

1/3 C oil
1/3 C honey
2 t salt
4 t lemon juice

Start mixing and add 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 C more flour until it makes a soft dough.  Then keep the mixer going to knead this dough for 10 minutes.  My mixer is a little wimpy, and has lost two pieces of hardware trying to get to that point, so get as close as you can.

Separate the dough into two greased loaf pans.  Set the oven for 350 and let it heat 1-2 minutes.  Then shut the oven off and put the loaves in for a warm rise (30 minutes).  When that time is up just leave them there, turn the oven back on to 350 and set the timer for 30 minutes and this will be the baking.  When the time is
up they are done!

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Wynonna and God

In my dream last night I was attending a work meeting and hurrying out the front of the hotel it was at.  As I went past the lobby there was a big group of tables set up with table cloths and decorations.  A hurried and desperate sounded young man ran up to me and said, "For 93.97 you can meet Wynonna Judd!!"  He was so excited and trying so hard to do his sell.  I didn't answer him right away, I just started looking around the room.  Truth is, I was never an over-the-top fan of her music.  I liked some of it, and I just knew she was famous.  I found it interesting she was doing a meet and greet in our tiny little town.

As I scanned the room my eyes finally settled on her behind the back table.  I made eye contact and waved and smiled real big.  She smiled and waved back and I felt like we had a moment.  No more words were said with the eager young sales guy, and I woke up.

As I was considering the dream I realized that this is what my brain was using to make sense of god.  That young man was so eager and earnest.  He felt like he was selling a great opportunity -- and he even went down a few bucks from $100 to make it seem like a deal ;).  This is religion to me and members' desires to convert other people. 

For free I could look over at her and and smile and wave.  That felt like a true connection to me and was all I needed.  There was nothing that $90+ could pay for that I didn't already have.  For other people who were bigger fans or knew more of the ins and outs of her life, maybe money paid to ask some in depth questions would be useful for them.  It was not for me.

When bishops at Ricks spent weekly meetings trying to convince me that I was no longer connected to god and couldn't feel him (even though I did) it really messed up my developing brain.  I feel like these years in my 40s I'm trying to untangle the web that he/they created.  Spirituality is simple.  No guy in some wood lined office and 80's suit had the magic answers to MY spirit and the love I felt from god.  He kept trying to convince me I needed those weekly meetings so he could teach me how I had caused my assault and how only I could prevent another one.  I literally did not understand for 20 years after that that sometimes things happen out of our control, and that chance really is part of crime and just every day living.

The earnestness of the sales guy in the dream felt really meaningful too.  It helps me see my coreligionists with some grace.  They are sincere and they really think they will help you by trying to sell you their groups' or family's or town's special experience.  I've been proselytized to more than any already religious person would expect to.  I feel it hurtfully when it happens, but they are just misguided and earnest, and maybe just feeling personally that the need to earn the points, like him.

It was freeing to have that dream.  I'm glad I did.  Thanks Ms. Judd :).