So, the mighty scale said that I'd lost 30 pounds yesterday. No, not all in one day, but in quite a quick couple of months. The entire time a pound or two was coming off at a steady rate I looked forward to writing about this one day.
|Sorry, folks, no shaming "what's your excuse?" before/after photos here|
Why? Because I didn't do a dang thing to lose that weight.
And even more shocking? I didn't do a dang thing to gain it before I lost it.
In the midst of my path to finding the right medicines and vitamins to help my mental struggles, I have tried 5 or 6 different kinds. That sounds more simple than it is. Each drug has a certain time it takes of every day use to get to a "clinical level." Most I had to try for a month or more.
At first I was on things that I'd heard commercials for like Celexa or Lexapro. I thought it was kind of interesting to see what each one did to my mind and body. Interesting as a descriptive word soon got dropped for tortuous. It really was that, body and soul. Since the drugs were for my mind all of my belief systems and feelings and fears were affected 24 hours a day.
I had so much emotional investment in getting better that I suffered through anyway. What I didn't quite plan on was the physical roller coaster. After about a month on the 6th medicine(an obscure one most people haven't heard of) I found myself in an Emergency Room heart attack clinic. I was retaining fluid in my ankles and felt fluid building in my chest when I lied down. My chest hurt and had so much pressure. Besides being lonely and scary the hospital visit was full of pokes and prods and a lot of boredom staring at a white wall. I was able to see the connection finally to this medicine and an insanely rapid weight gain along with these new deadly symptoms.
So, I called my Dr and switched medicines within the week. I went back on Prozac (the one I was one at first before trying 5 others :) which isn't perfect for me, but probably what works best (along with several vitamins I discovered I needed). And now that I'm getting closer to "normal" again both in brain function and weight I'm a little angry. Being a human "fat girl" experiment is not for the weak of heart. I couldn't believe how different some people treated me and the condescending way they tried to "motivate" me to workout more or try the new special herbs they were selling. I happened to be exercising more than I ever had at that time and eating much less than I do now. Take that! all you "It's just calories in and calories out!"
You know what, culture? That's not okay. Stop doing that. Stop assuming that fat means weak. Stop assuming everyone's life goal is to take up less space and that they should spend all their time shaming themselves into it. IT'S NOT OKAY. This girl has the same soul today she had with 30 more pounds. And if there was ever a time she needed a supportive friend it was then.