I just took a moment to get a "dose" of sun on the deck.
I felt *good* as in not sick, not tired, not sore, and muscles calm (instead of spasming). It was a beautiful moment in the sun, because all of those maladies are with me most of each day. It was a delightful moment of victory to enjoy 5 minutes of peace and the feeling of health.
It's been a surprising summer, and not just because of the amount of chores the kids have mastered :). My struggling health caught me by surprise, just like it has every step of the way. This winter as I did my steroid treatment and then waited the three months for my malaria meds (for lupus) to kick in I saw myself as enduring a waiting period. "When the sun shines, when school is out, when I can finally get in a few good naps, I'll be back to normal," naive me thought....
Instead, getting the kids to swimming lessons each morning was almost all I could manage in a day and after the first session, when I was not careful about sun exposure and protecting my energy levels. Thankfully, somehow, we still got through 4 weeks of lessons and the two oldest actually finished out the final levels. So looking back I can say something major was accomplished, I just felt like I was in a struggling fog the entire time I was doing it.
Mr. Warmth has taken a 4 day vacation from work and stuck around home and I've been taking more rest than ever. It surprises me how bad I need it and then I am surprised again at night time when I still need that sleep as well. It is such a mental adjustment to go from finding extra hobbies and ways to serve, or ways to make money to feeling like your only purpose in a day is to survive. I've done that at temporary emergency type periods in life, but looking at a future like that is tough for me to do.
There are so many blessing amidst it all, I don't write this stuff to dismiss them. I just choose to value my feelings of both kinds enough to acknowledge them.