After seeing this post show up "live" on my blog, I started thinking about why I couldn't talk much about this (at the time) traumatic part of our lives for so long and why I suddenly felt compelled to talk about it now.
I think I went through the stages of grief...at first shocked, and then VERY angry :), and sad. I've been sad about it awhile. But the exciting thing is that I'm getting closer to acceptance. And that is a good place to be. I don't know if I should or want to re-hash each conversation and event surrounding that situation, but I might wrap it up a bit for those who know me. Shortly before moving over here a guy at church made mention of how we "bailed" on the house we were building.
I want to make it clear there is nothing further from the truth. We wanted that dream, we held onto it, even moving into an almost uninhabitable housing situation to try to hold onto the hope that house was getting built. We were patient with the people whose greed made the building keep getting postponed. We drove up to see our lot almost daily and we prayed and prayed and prayed.
But prayers get answered in mysterious ways and ours was answered by the very people who tried to keep our house from being built. The time that its construction was put off was exactly the window of time we needed to find out all the dirty secrets of the developer in the area, realize the legal situation we were now in, and have this amazing deal (the house we live in now) fall into our lap. It was a beautiful, glorious miracle. The timing was beyond human control. I knew that then and I know that now.
I realize I have complained on the blog a lot lately and tried to be open about my grieving throughout this last year, but that isn't because I don't see the miracle we've been given. Just like postpartum depression seems unimaginable when a person wants a baby so bad...good and wonderful things can stress you out and bring you to an emotional brink, just like bad things. I hope you readers understand what I mean.
God worked miracles in my life this year. I will be grateful forever.