A while back, I posted a quote from a magazine about using the things we are jealous of to determine our goals. The point was that we do not need to feel jealousy - we just need to pay attention to those pangs so that we realize what it is we really want and GO FOR IT! Sitting around feeling jealous is a waste of time when almost anything is within our reach with the right amount of effort.
Since that posting I've paid attention to those feelings. A good thing about getting older and passing through more trials, for me anyway, is that I seldom feel jealousy. I can see that there are "back stories" behind almost all success that we see and there are struggles each person has that I wouldn't trade for my own.
But I have paid attention and I noticed the thing I am the most jealous of is other women's careers. Moms, to be exact. Moms who have kids my age as well as balancing an interesting and challenging career. I am jealous that they felt entitled to make it happen. I am jealous that their family life sacrificed the time it took for their education (talking about my doctor in this instance). And I'm jealous that they seem happy and confident, because I feel like I'd feel terribly guilty all day if I did work full-time.
The women I am most jealous of are doctors. I've had the desire to do that for years, but always felt it would be incompatible with family life. I had reconciled that until the last few years when I've known good moms that are about my age, with kids the ages of my older ones....that also happen to be doctors. Somehow they made that happen, and it makes me question the boundaries I place on myself.
I don't necessarily think that because I feel that jealousy I am "called" to become a doctor, but I wonder what to do about that feeling or what it means in my life. I guess maybe it is the pang of realizing that I *did* make some sacrifices to be a stay-at-home mom, and that is okay. I definitely felt called to do that at the time I left my career. I don't regret it for a second. I'm glad I could cuddle and nurse those babies and be there when they woke up from their nap in that cuddly, warm part of the day. I'm thankful I got to teach the older ones to read and watch them all as they began crawling, talking, and taking those wobbly first steps.
So, I guess what I'm saying is I think I was wrong. Not every feeling of jealousy means you need to take that path and start living that way. It's just an interesting thought, and I think it is always good to explore the "why's" of our feelings, even and especially the negative ones.
What do you feel jealous of? How does it affect your goals and choices?
I don't call it jealousy anymore...I just have great admiration for those who have achieved their goals. Mine are just different.
ReplyDeleteI'm so pleased that you left a comment. I think we are two peas in a pod :) I'm jealous of houses and kitchens and yard and gardens. I just want to be living the dream NOW. The good thing about the Hubs and I is we are willing to work our tales off to get to the dream. I'll have that house and yard that I want, one day, because I've worked years to get there. Oh that "I want it now" gets me often though!
ReplyDeleteI am not jealous of Doctors in the least. They are sacrificing more everyday along the lines of family than I will in a year. All but 1 of the doctor families we are friends with have full time nannies that are with the kids 90% of the time. Sports practices, dance lessons, and school functions. All things in life is relative. Being a parent to me is the best profession to be successful at and all other professions pale in comparison. I wish all parents strove to be the best parent first and the best worker/doctor/lawyer/carpenter second. I think the world would be in a lot better shape.
ReplyDeleteVisiting from the Overflowing link up a bit late...and reading this from my job. Some things to consider:
ReplyDeleteYou said that working moms "feel entitled" to have jobs. Please realize that not all working moms think it's their "right" to work. Sometimes it's just family circumstances. You also said that "family time is sacrificed" for the mom's education. I completed my degree before I met my fiance. Not all moms neglect their families to pursue their credentials.
And not all working mom's skip off to work carefree. Plenty feel trapped in the 9-5. Plenty miss their kids. And plenty of us struggle with the idea that "I spent all this time & money getting a degree. Will it be wasted if I stop working?"
Point is...when it comes to jealousy, it's easy to make assumptions and to forget that the grass is always greener in the other gal's yard.
Visiting from the Overflowing link up a bit late...and reading this from my job. Some things to consider:
ReplyDeleteYou said that working moms "feel entitled" to have jobs. Please realize that not all working moms think it's their "right" to work. Sometimes it's just family circumstances. You also said that "family time is sacrificed" for the mom's education. I completed my degree before I met my fiance. Not all moms neglect their families to pursue their credentials.
And not all working mom's skip off to work carefree. Plenty feel trapped in the 9-5. Plenty miss their kids. And plenty of us struggle with the idea that "I spent all this time & money getting a degree. Will it be wasted if I stop working?"
Point is...when it comes to jealousy, it's easy to make assumptions and to forget that the grass is always greener in the other gal's yard.