Letting things Go

Parts of my former life I have had to release:

1. Large meals with all parts served at one time
2. productive days without naps
3. attending social events in the evenings
4. scheduling more than one appointment or errand in one day
5. afternoons in the sun at the lake or pool
6. long hikes
7. long walks
8. dance classes and roller skating
9. volunteer work for church
10. not being in huge medical debt

Blessings I can Accept

1. more time for my kids with their dad
2. more quiet time for myself to reflect and think (this one kinda bugs me but I should appreciate it)
3. more books read
4. more Netflix enjoyed
5. less sewing or deadline stress
6. more focus on the main priorities of life like basic meals and clean house
7. more cuddles with the kids
8. more responsibilities and tasks for the kids to learn from
9. more quiet time at home with husband
10. more peace since being treated, having helpful medicine and vitamins
11. Having a comfortable, mostly finished and livable home to rest and live this life in (I'm so glad this hit *after* we already had floors, etc.

Lupus Summer

I just took a moment to get a "dose" of sun on the deck.

I felt *good* as in not sick, not tired, not sore, and muscles calm (instead of spasming).  It was a beautiful moment in the sun, because all of those maladies are with me most of each day.  It was a delightful moment of victory to enjoy 5 minutes of peace and the feeling of health.

It's been a surprising summer, and not just because of the amount of chores the kids have mastered :).  My struggling health caught me by surprise, just like it has every step of the way.  This winter as I did my steroid treatment and then waited the three months for my malaria meds (for lupus) to kick in I saw myself as enduring a waiting period.  "When the sun shines, when school is out, when I can finally get in a few good naps, I'll be back to normal,"  naive me thought....

Instead, getting the kids to swimming lessons each morning was almost all I could manage in a day and after the first session, when I was not careful about sun exposure and protecting my energy levels.  Thankfully, somehow, we still got through 4 weeks of lessons and the two oldest actually finished out the final levels.  So looking back I can say something major was accomplished, I just felt like I was in a struggling fog the entire time I was doing it.

Mr. Warmth has taken a 4 day vacation from work and stuck around home and I've been taking more rest than ever.  It surprises me how bad I need it and then I am surprised again at night time when I still need that sleep as well.  It is such a mental adjustment to go from finding extra hobbies and ways to serve, or ways to make money to feeling like your only purpose in a day is to survive.  I've done that at temporary emergency type periods in life, but looking at a future like that is tough for me to do. 

There are so many blessing amidst it all, I don't write this stuff to dismiss them.  I just choose to value my feelings of both kinds enough to acknowledge them.