Fear Hope Sunday

We moved to the west, we still owned our house, and have been trying to sell it.  We had a contract (for the second time) and it just fell through this morning.  The reality of all the downsides came pouring down--more time paying the mortgage, more time worrying, never knowing if something will eventually come through or if we'll be somehow stuck with it.  We've never had an easy house sale, ever.  Okay, fine, once we did.  You see when I put stuff in writing my memory is jogged and I'm not able to allow myself to wallow.  It was a very small and inexpensive townhome, so I dismissed it's easy sale offhand :).

So many blessings have happened through this process that I know I'll do better to remember.  I'm gonna have faith that its gonna work somehow someway.

I remember thinking yesterday, "this is about the perfect day" for our family.  Moving here was such a risk, and having that house for sale--heck, even buying that one in the first place, RISK.  I had always wanted to try getting a foreclosure and improving it.  So, I got that chance.  And my husband always wanted to work remotely and have a life out here near the mountains.  So I guess we get the bad sides of risk along with the rewards of trying to live it.

Our house is so gorgeous now (in my obviously humble opinion, right?) and it s funny to look at the sales pictures, go through the nitpicking all while living in 1/4 of the size and a very old basement apartment.  It's funny because what it sounds like to me saying it...but it's surprisingly quite comfortable to do.  I don't suppose I am well suited to large house living--nor to trying to make a place pleasing to others.  I nearly did myself in with the mental pressure.  So as much as I think, Ack!  We should move back and give up!, I really am grateful for now that I can be away and have a small household to focus on.  That doesn't mean we wouldn't be forced into that, but for now, I'll be okay.

Can you hear the tension in my typing fingers?  As I say these reassurances and it's obvious I'm not sure whether to believe them?  Oh well.  This is how I cope :).