10 Bob hairstyles

It's gonna be the summer of BOB!!!

Just kidding, maybe more like the fall, considering how long my hair takes to grow...

Emotions in the physical body

The first time I went for a massage, I hid my silent sobs as emotion started to drain out of my back muscles.  I wasn't particularly emotional going into the appointment, just tired as usual since I'd had my third baby a few months back.  My body hurt like crazy and I found a massage therapist to take me in.  The emotions that were dredged as she sunk her elbow deep into a muscle were hurtful words in a friendship and also forgiveness and a relief of letting go of the tightness of that hurt.

I walked out of that office that day simply amazed at the emotional work that had taken place.  What was hidden in my muscles?  It was fascinating, and that forgiveness was peaceful and free.  I was so amazed by this that I scheduled several more massages with the same therapist.  Not all had an emotional release element, but one other did.  Once I moved away from that town, I had to give up those amazing massages, and a number of other therapists I tried just didn't have that affect.

I was thinking of this mind body connection recently as I've been fascia-blasting.  I learned about it through a facebook ad, and then discussing it with other women in the products' facebook group.  It's interesting stuff.  I get a little weirded out when people start claiming it is curing random things, but as far as just releasing fascia I've found it beneficial, so I try to ignore the placebo effect type rantings.  For me what I've noticed is pulling apart or breaking (?) the fascia releases some of my arthritis pain.

Oh, but what I came here to write about--emotions!  The weirdest think about breaking up the fascia is the emotions that get released, most negative.  Why or how am I storing emotions in my body?  And is that why I am fat?  Am I holding hurt like a squishy pillow against my organs?  So freaking weird.  Anyway, I'm curious how that is related to the same instance I had 7ish years ago in a massage.  My theory is either she was breaking up fascia with the deep massage and the fascia held the emotions, or the reverse.  Perhaps its muscle holding it and I've gotten into the muscles with my fascia blaster the way she did the massage.  If you have studied anything like this and have insights, drop me a line, I'm curious!

My Brain, My Way...no mag

I know I had the idea for this post this morning, and the details of what I was going to write about have become fuzzy.  It was about church (the mormon church, of which I am a member) and faith transitions and theology and other's thoughts and my own, etc.....

Because of the crazy scary trolls I seemed to incite last year, facebook has become not so safe a space, so my posts are scanty and quickly removed.  I had a time where someone else was logging into my own account daily! and I was changing the password just as fast.  So far, I seem to have locked that down, but I removed everything and just don't have trust to put my life on there much more.  There is something shady shady going on with either the government or people trying to support them, or leftover issues from the election.  I DON'T KNOW.  All I know is somehow facebook is infiltrated and I pissed them off with a picture I posted.  Imma kinda lay low from that space until whatever crimes and collusion are sorted.

But...and the point I'm getting to, is I still read/see/learn things from people there that affect my thinking.

One example is an Ensign (mormon magazine) article that upset a lot of my friends and they've been discussing it.  That started my train of thought, because truth be told I let that subscription expire probably 3 years ago and never looked back.  I get anxiety FROM my church and that is one of the ways.  I like the church sooo much better when I don't read the to-do lists and shame fests that whatever writers ooze into print.  Those writers are just folks like me, and honestly their style of spirituality seems to awaken the opposite in me.  And that's ok.

I write here about my spirituality and more than one person has contacted me by email to disagree.  Ha!  And this is just a one woman blog.  There's a major authoritarianism faction in active mormonism that I think keeps official publications from too much critique like that, so I guess my blog would be much easier to check.  But my point is, those writers have no more access to God than I, and in my new witchy ol' hag stage of life, I question EVERYTHING.  So, I feel just dandy disagreeing with most of that magazine.  Done with it.  Done.  Ahhhhh, refreshing breath.

Walking Sun

I have been walking most days.  Oh, it is glorious to actually be outside in the sun.  It's taking a bit for all of the snow pile up to melt away.

But I have something I dreamed of for years...sidewalks, long long stretches of sidewalk to enjoy my daily jaunts out in the sun.  A big accomplishment was the day I switched to sneakers from hiking boots.  I needed those waterproof boots all this winter if I ever ventured out because of the thickness and layers of ice and snow even over roads and sidewalks.

A little bit 'o Silver

When I compiled the hair color trends in my recent post, the ones I LOVED had gray or silver streaks.  When I thought about how much I liked it, I realized how cheap and simple it would be for me to get that look!  :)

I simply have been refraining from dyeing my roots for the last few months.  It's gonna take many months longer because I don't have fast growing hair, but I'll have my own glittery silver mane eventually.

At the age of 26 I started seeing more and more gray hairs come in when I went to hair appointments and I started letting my stylist dye it regularly.  When I moved away from the stylists I liked I began doing my own coloring, and as you've seen that has been an exciting journey.

But the step I'm at right now, and honestly really delighted to be at, is this one at almost 40.  I'm gonna embrace the gray.  My fears at 26 were things like my husband looking way younger and me being the unattractive spouse, but time has given way to the realization that he will never age and I've got weight and 4 pregnancies amongst the myriad reasons we are already unbalanced.  And you know what?  That's ok.  I am me, and he is he.

And the new me has lots of silver glitter.

Grown up Settling

Almost every book I read has some kind of suggestion about writing every day.  Writing sometimes, or simply sitting down to do the work you are supposed to, whether or not it be writing, is the nudge I feel.  So I am here today on a black metal folding chair, in the nook below a bunkbed, just click clicking away to let you know my brain is still alive.

We are looking at houses and we are looking at land.  The sun has come out again and it seems like spring is at hand.  A little pink or a little brown on my nose is something I crave.  I need the sun warmth that goes deep under my skin, and winter without it is a drain.  I wish I had it more of the year, but since I think we've settled here as our home I need to find ways to just soak it up when I can.

Ideas:

2 sunny destination trips per winter
1 hour in the sun each day it is shining (daily walks make this convenient)


My soul was deeply in pain the last couple of weeks.  Today seems like a lift, but raising teenagers and being occupation-confused and just plain normally sick and tired all seemed to push down their weight.  My mental answer to myself in the past was, we just need to get to the next step, the next stage, the move...and here we are finally settled, so I'm in a place where I must actually focus on the life I have, not the life to come.  I am grateful for this because it seems to be a more grown up stance to inhabit.  It's just a little scary and slow.