Time to Grow

Do you pick a yearly word?  It took some meditation and days of reflection but I decided in 2018 what I need to do is

TRY

I spent the end of last year learning about a personality tendency of mine that questions everything, and must have a reason for each type of action.  This keeps me studying, and reflecting, and weighing pros and cons sometimes long after other people have chosen a path and progressed along it.

I would be happier at home any day, reading about life than taking risks in the messy painful living of it.  Reading, learning, changing, and forming views has its place, I just know that in order to grow more risks are what I need.  So this year I will show up.  Show up here to write, and scarier still, show up to church. 

Why is church so scary for me?  It's kind of the opposite of my safe space.  I got PTSD from community shunning as an 18 year old.  I got best friend shunning as a 38 year old when I started to face my traumas and question the all-powerfulness of the group's belief system.

I still face frustration and sorrow and fear every. single. week. as I sit in those pews and face that what *I* believe in my heart is so very far from all of the other people.  I feel like a foreigner in belief systems and vulnerable to shame and shunning at any step were my mouth to open.

This is part of why I keep going, and keep MAKING myself go (it really isn't easy).  When I pray in frustration after services on Sunday I realize what is keeping me frustrated is that I don't share.  I never answer a question in a class, I am not given a forum to ever share my weird differentness.  I just sit there stewing in my "otherness."  But then I think about what it would sound like if I did say what I believe (or don't) and I realize how vulnerable I would be to all of the traumas I've already been through.  It is difficult because sometimes I think I should let myself off that hook.  People quit churches all the time.

But for now, I grow.  I search for the way I could be more christian or be a light in someone's life and I find those things at church.  So I will TRY.

Artificial tree supplier

Museum Trees is a website that supplies really high end artificial plants.  I'm so thrilled with the one they sent me for reviewing.  It makes a great table centerpiece for our rustic handmade table.  Even my 7 year old keeps exclaiming how he thinks its real.

What I found interesting when I first heard about their site is that they also supply *outdoor* artificial plants, that don't get ruined in the weather.  They are so realistic I could see that being a smart desert landscaping solution -- water free. 

Museum Trees provided the product and they were very open about just wanting an honest review, but honestly I'm pretty impressed with their quality.

Check them out!

Return Prosperity

I'm on hold with amazon customer service right now, so what better time to write a post about the benefits of what I'm working on?

In an a fit of impulsive curiosity I went straight from watching YouTube videos on amazon 3rd party selling to opening my own account to do so.  One video is not thorough research, I need to say.  The next day I had $40 out of my bank account and enough more reading to realize this wasn't the side job I was looking for.  So I went through all the button pushing it took to close that seller account and moved on.

That was a month ago, I am still without the $40 and of course have used the account....not at all.  So after two or three attempts to still CLOSE the freaking mistake account I looked up a number I could get a human on the phone to plead my case.  I simply wanted it to close, but the lady (real person!) I spoke to offered a refund.  I am so glad I called.  It fixed the mistake with my personal information but it also rewound the financial mistake.

As mistakes in the money realm go, there are bigger ones, to be sure.  But every little bit of money back in our family's pockets gives us opportunities -- like EATING :) and healthcare, gas, etc.  And I may be preaching to the choir of my readers, here, but I hate to see anyone lose their simple daily assets over simple failure to act.

I do a lot of returning.  Well, I don't think a huge amount, but I take the time to recognize when a purchase we have won't end up getting used and going through with the transaction of relieving myself of a "thing" and restoring its place in our finances.  The simplicity of this concept is what has made me too embarrassed to write about it even though it's come to mind as a money saving hack a number of times.

I sometimes have been embarrassed to ask for a refund or complain about a problem, but the influence of friends more confident than myself, reminded me that the worst thing that can happen is they will say no.  And it's worth a few rejections to see.  Almost never do I get told no.  I don't try to return anything used or not in its package, and I obey all policies to a T.  I'm not out to get something for nothing.  So I think that helps keep the rejections low.

And to be honest, bracing myself for and handling rejection has gotten better the longer I've lived and the more jobs and church volunteer opportunities I've tried.  I just wanted to stick this reminder here, because I've seen closets and storage rooms and garages with brand new packages of things that are never getting used.  If this is you, and you feel like finances are a struggle, it's a place you can start!  Notice what you've purchased you haven't opened yet, or didn't work right.  Getting $10 or $20 back that you misspent is worth the (usually less than) hour to get yourself to the store, or get online to customer service.  It's just as noble as an hour spent working for the same amount, and a way to bless your family if misspending or overspending has been a problem.