Writing (or telling) my story

I have had some stiff painful hands the last week so I'm trying to restructure how I spend my creative work effort.  Maybe typing is looser than hand writing?  I've been doing morning pages every day, hand written as well as sewing. I'm trying to slow down on that too, but man it is hard.  I love it and find flow in it.

I want to write.  I feel like I have a book in me, a story.  I've been facing the demons of thinking no one wants to hear my story based on a lifetime of familial social interactions.  My friends have been good at listening.  Family, not so much.  Being a 4th child and being a wife of a non fan of eye contact, makes me stop and shutter my thoughts before I put them into words.  I feel like my stories are an annoyance to the world around me.

This all came up in my heart as I learned more about youtube and instagram stories and developed the interest in trying them.  I'm not scared of public speaking, in fact I am good at it.  I know this despite my fears and feedback in one on one relationships.  However, my own story...my personal story...I've had a 40 year lifetime of it being shuttered away and I am scared to break through that paper barrier these other people and their issues have held over me.

That's why I write.  But I'd also like to be able to speak and look directly at a camera and let the world know my heart.  I can't think of a place that I can be alone in my home to try to say things outloud so maybe I could try in the car or something.