writing for me

After I let the steamy hot water pelt into the soapy sink full of reusable straws, I sat down here to write.  I actually craved it this time.  Starting morning pages (and the occasional artist's date) from the Artist's Way has really taken me on a tour of myself creatively.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos, just lately.  By just lately I mean the medium has been around forever and I discovered it a year ago and want to shout it from the rooftops.  I mean, ignore me though, cause it's like super old and everyone knows about it.  But because of that whatever is my obsession of the week is what I think maybe I should work on.  So I start to question why I don't do video or how or what way I SHOULD do video.

But during today's morning pages I sorted how draining it was to teach primary week after week.  And the reason is being "ON" which is very draining for me.  I am an introvert who gets energized by sewing and reading and writing and dancing.  I have forced myself over a lifetime to be bold socially, to speak out, to teach lessons, and frankly I am tired.

It was never me but it helped me survive.  It helped me feel like I could survive high school and get paid something in a career.  Yes, overall in fear I acted extroverted to win points at church and in a career.  But reaching 40 has me like, I'm tiiiiiiiiiired.  I don't have an acting career.  I'm not being paid to be someone I am not. 

So I am sinking in to the luxury of being me, and tuning in to my own energy.  I did a fitness marshall video this morning to get my dance on, and I plan on doing two more.  And here I write.

FOR ME.  Thank you Bobi, it feels good.